Meet more people instead of fixating on one: you cannot predict whether two people will get along before you meet

Two speed-dating studies had people fill out more than 100 partner-preference questionnaires before any meeting. The questionnaires could only show who tends to like others in general and who tends to be popular. They could not show whether these two people would click. Whether you get along is known only after you meet. So meeting more people is a better bet than staking everything on one person.

Cost

No money. Spend the time meeting several people, not repeatedly turning over the same one. The hard part is resisting fixation.

Benefit

In two speed-dating studies, participants filled out more than 100 self-report scales related to partner choice before meeting. Researchers used a random-forest model (an algorithm for finding patterns) to calculate. They could calculate “how easily a person likes others overall”; these questionnaires accounted for 4%–18% of the variance. Variance is the difference between people; the questionnaires explain only a small part of it. They could also calculate “how popular a person is overall,” accounting for 7%–27%. But “whether these two specific people click” could not be calculated; no combination of pre-meeting traits and preferences worked. The same researchers earlier ran another speed-dating experiment. Participants reported their own ideal-type preferences beforehand, such as valuing looks or economic prospects. That preference did not predict their interest in a specific person on the spot.

Notes

The two studies only show that “you cannot calculate it before meeting,” not that “no effort helps.” Whether you get along is known only after you meet, so spending time meeting several people, and really meeting each one, is a better bet than staking everything on one person. The study samples were Western university students. China’s dating and marriage setting is different; discount when applying this to yourself.

Sources · 2

1. Joel S, Eastwick PW, Finkel EJ (2017). Is romantic desire predictable? Machine learning applied to initial romantic attraction. Psychological Science, 28(10), 1478-1489. doi.org/10.1177/0956797617714580
2. Eastwick PW, Finkel EJ (2008). Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245-264. doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.94.2.245