Keep a separate account for “marrying for your elders”; do not mix it with your own account

The elders’ share of benefit — peace of mind, face, and an end to pressure — is real. But it does not automatically become your health benefit or relationship quality. The time account, the money account, and the cost of leaving are all borne by you. On paper split two columns for which benefits are yours and which are the elders’; whether the deal is worth it is then visible at a glance.

Cost

No money. On paper write two columns. One column is which benefits in this marriage are yours — earlier items in this section can calculate them. The other is which benefits are the elders’: peace of mind, face, and the end of marriage pressure. The hard part is leaving the elders’ column alone and not merging it into yours.

Benefit

The elders’ benefit is real. But it does not automatically convert into your health benefit (item 8) or relationship quality (item 4 — whether a relationship is good depends on how you feel). The time account (item 9), the money account (items 10 to 12), and the cost of leaving (item 15) are all borne by the parties. After you keep the accounts separate, whether “task-style marriage” has high or low cost-effectiveness is something you can see yourself.

Notes

The elders’ column can also be counted as a very heavy line; how you weigh it is up to you. The fill-in checklist is in chapter 10 “Is dating and marriage worth it”.

Sources · 1

1. 作者经验，方法类建议；数据部分见本节前面各条