After a parent dies, tell the child the truth, and let the child attend the farewell

A child who loses a father or a mother before 18 later dies at a rate about 50% higher than a child who did not go through that. If the parent died by accident or by suicide, it is about 80% higher. If the parent died of illness, it is about 30% higher. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends telling the child what happened, truthfully, and supporting the child in attending the funeral and the farewell.

Cost

No money. The hard part is that you are hurting too, and you still have to say it clearly to the child.

Benefit

Everyone born in Denmark from 1968 to 2008, and everyone born in Sweden from 1973 to 2006, was counted in. Added to that was 89.3% of people born in Finland from 1987 to 2007. Together, over 7300000 people. Of them, 189094 lost a parent before 18. Mortality from all causes together in these children was 50% higher than in people who had not been bereaved (mortality ratio 1.50, 95% CI 1.43–1.58, that is, about 1.5 times). When the parent died of an unnatural cause such as an accident or suicide, it was 1.84 (1.71–2.00), about 80% higher. When the parent died of a natural cause such as illness, it was 1.33 (1.24–1.41), about 30% higher. It was highest when the child's cause of death and the parent's cause of death were the same class. A 2016 clinical report from the American Academy of Pediatrics, written for pediatricians, requires that a talk with a bereaved child state clearly what happened and what it means, and correct wrong information and misunderstandings the child has heard. The report also gives advice on how to support the child in attending the funeral and other farewell rites.

Notes

When you tell the child, do not invent "they went away on a long trip." Guardianship and the arrangement for raising the child have to be put on paper. Whether to change schools, or to send the child to live somewhere else, has no direct study or guideline text that was found. The author's view is that fewer changes in the child's life are better. The grade is B not because the numbers are soft. This is a follow-up of the whole population of Denmark, Sweden, and Finland, and the numbers themselves would be enough for grade A. The grade is B because, from this number to the specific practice of how to tell the child and whether the child should attend the farewell, there is no direct trial evidence. The authors also state that data on the parent-child relationship after the death, and on the child's way of living, are both missing. The rise includes a part that is inborn constitution, and a part that is the long effect left by the bereavement. Naming a guardian and arranging property are in section 17. The child's support and schooling are in section 18.

Sources · 2

1. Li J, et al. (2014). Mortality after parental death in childhood: a nationwide cohort study from three Nordic countries. PLoS Medicine. doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1001679
2. Schonfeld DJ, Demaria T, Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, Disaster Preparedness Advisory Council (2016). Supporting the Grieving Child and Family. Pediatrics, 138(3), e20162147. doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-2147